It was a dark and stormy night.
Ugh, seriously? Isn’t there a better way to set the scene? Let’s start this story over: It was a dark and hay-filled night.
There we go.
And a darling couple, donned in clever costumes, headed out to go on their very first hayride. Did we mention it was dark? Right. So, the couple headed out to their local farm to take part in the festivities (Y92.7, Farm as the place of occurrence of the external cause). And that’s where it all began. What began, you ask? The Halloween hayride—gone awry.
Leave the Hay for Horses
“Bless you,” said a kind person from the back of the hay bales. Our couple quickly discovered that hay really should be left for horses, because as it turns out, both of them suffered from J30.2, Other seasonal allergic rhinitis. With tissues in hand—and sneezes in tissues—they cuddled up for the hayride of their lives.
Keep Your Hands—and Heads—Inside the Vehicle
This warning typically ends with “at all times.” You may have heard—and heeded—this very rule while enjoying roller coasters, boat tours, or any other type of moving entertainment. But, our poor couple wasn’t paying attention to the hayride conductor as they both stood up to get a better view of the pumpkin patch. (On a side note, we’re not sure how this move helped them with their view—it’s dark outside, after all). That said, W22.8XXA, Striking against or struck by other objects, initial encounter, perfectly describes the wounds the couple sustained when their heads made contact with a wayward tree branch. Ouch.
Lift with Your Legs
With headaches in full bloom (G44.319, Acute post-traumatic headache, not intractable), the couple decided they’d trudge onward to pick out the perfect pumpkins. “He” (Let’s call him—uh—Jack) picked out an enormous squash—one he was certain would be the perfect companion for the neighborhood black cat that often graces his front stoop. He had big plans for this pumpkin—none of which involved carving it. Putting knife to pumpkin gives him the heebie jeebies. (His last name is O’Lantern, remember?). Did we mention the pumpkin was enormous? Great. Well, Jack reached down to pluck his perfect pumpkin when he heard a loud crack. Unfortunately, the sound wasn’t that of a prized squash pulled from the vine; it was poor Jack’s back, warranting a very vague diagnosis of M54.5, Low back pain. The pair would just have to continue on without a new stoop companion.
Don’t Eat Too Much Candy
Okay, so maybe our parents were right: too much candy can lead to more than just a sugar rush. (It could even lead to a game of candy crush, and nobody wants that. Trust me.) So, as Jack lay down in the back of the hay-filled truck, nursing his back, his lovely gal, Sugar Pie, munched on candy corn. Several handfuls later, Sugar Pie regretted her sugar binge. Her teeth rebelled, giving Jack’s sweet lady one heck of a toothache (K08.8, Other specified disorders of teeth and supporting structures).
Watch Your Back(side)
Our couple had quite the night, and it was almost time to go home. As the hayride approached the farm entrance, Sugar Pie gingerly held her jaw, Jack gripped his lower back, and the spider neither of them noticed crept closer to where they sat. Moments before Jack and Sugar Pie could hop out of the wagon, the spider swiftly sneaked up and bit Sugar Pie right in the rear (S30.860A, Insect bite [nonvenomous] of lower back and pelvis, initial encounter). Not quite the hayride-parting gift she’d hoped for, but a memorable memento nonetheless.
The next morning, Jack and Sugar Pie reflected on their Halloween adventure as the sunrise shined on their round faces. Even though the hayride went awry, they had more fun than they could have imagined. With the black cat by their side, the two pumpkins looked out from their stoop and gave a deep sigh. The costumes, the candy, and even the injuries were too good to be true; their Halloween hayride had only been a dream (G47.9, Sleep disorder, unspecified).